unwritten

I want to say there has been a lot going on the past few months. I want to tell you that I’ve been working towards my many different goals in life. I wish I could say that I have changed my lazy ways and didn’t have just a bunch of excuses to explain my lack of motivation towards life. I’ll spare you though. There hasn’t been anything worth telling about. Maybe minor things here and there but nothing I can remember. Of course my memory isn’t the most reliable. Every so often I feel I put myself in the box of non-living. Like I purposely lock myself away and become this f*cking zombie going through my day the same way I did the day before. Nothing ever changes. I’m not trying to be emo - I swear I’m not trying to. It seems I get like this ‘I hate life’ mood every time my birthday comes around. I feel like I’m getting old. It’s so stupid, I know I’m not old (turning 24) but the not getting anything accomplished yet is depressing. This might not sound the great… but I have always felt I was meant for more than the average person. I can’t explain it. I mean I have felt this way for as long as I can remember but never have been able to find that thing I’ll be good at. Partially because I never try. I always say I’m trying but in reality I’m more like giving it a half-ass attempt. People say knowing the problem is the first step to fixing it. In my case though, knowing the problem just makes me prolong applying the solution.